When You Don’t Have Enough as an Artist
Anytime you decide to do something that takes faith, you can be sure that your faith will be tested.
Count on it.
As a working professional artist, I can attest personally that this is true.
God opened the door for me to do art full-time in the recession of 2009, when I lost a well-paying job as a traveling vacuum/ filtration equipment trainer. Before my boss gave me notice, my mother-in-law had a very frank discussion with her 32-year-old son-in-law about his future.
“You’re in a dead-end job, Matt. You’re stressed out all the time, and you don’t ever see your family. What is it that you think God has called you to do?”
“I’ve always wanted to be a full-time artist,” I replied.
“Well, why aren’t you doing it, then?” she shot back.
“Umm…because I’m afraid my bills won’t get paid?”
“What!? You can’t trust God to meet your needs?”
Ouch.
It was a dagger straight to the heart.
At that point, I knew I had to decide to do art full time, or I would regret it years later. Yes, I could trust God to meet my needs!
When my boss terminated my position just a week or two later, it was like a green light to go. I was ready to say goodbye to regular employment and embark on this new adventure of professional art!
Immediately, after announcing my new career to friends and family, I got commissioned portraits right away. My future was looking bright!
This continued until the middle of the year, and then “the brook dried up.”
I had no commissions, no income, a family to provide for and rent to pay. My landlord called me asking me where his rent money was.
My stomach sank to the floor.
“Maybe this whole thing about being a full-time artist was a pipe dream,” I moaned to my wife, head down. “Maybe I should go back and get a real job again.”
“No. We didn’t go through all of this for you to fail now.” She looked me right in the eyes. “I don’t care if we struggle financially, but if you don’t do what God has called you to do, then I will be mad at you!”
“So what do we do, then? We have no money for rent!”
“We need to pray,” she said, matter-of-factly. “And fast.”
“How long?” I didn’t like the idea of fasting.
“As long as it takes!”
We did pray, and fast. We were desperate and needed God to move.
I remember distinctly as we were praying in the kitchen that I had a very clear thought pop into my head. It went something like this:
Matt, what would you do if you had that rent money in your hands, right now?
It was like God was speaking right to me. “I would be praising You, thanking You,” I replied.
I want you to do that, right now.
“Okay, Lord,” I said, getting up from the floor. I held up my hands, and said, “Thank You, Lord, for the rent money.”
Now, my outstretched hands had nothing in them, but you couldn’t have convinced me that I wasn’t holding rent money in my hands at that moment. I felt a wave of faith, peace and joy settle right on me. Actually, it was more like a flood, a download from heaven!
“Thank You, LORD! We have the rent money!” I knew it was as good as done.
“We’re done praying, Leah,” I exclaimed to my wife. “We have it, and God is going to do it!”
The next day at church, a guy walked up to me. He said, “Matt, I’d like to commission you to do a portrait for me. I don’t know exactly what I want done yet, but I’d like to give you this to get you started.”
It was a check. I’d like to say it was for the exact amount of our rent, but it wasn’t. However, in the next few days, the rest came in, and we had the rent money!
Not Enough…Again
About seven years later my art business was growing. I had steady portrait work, I moved into a community art studio and I began teaching classes.
But I had a bad month toward the end of 2016. Not only did I not have money for my studio rent, but I didn’t have money for house rent either.
And I got that same dreaded call from my landlord: “When are you paying rent?”
You would think that I’d remember how God provided for me in times past. In an amazing profession of faith, I’d puff out my chest, pull on my suspender straps (if I wore suspenders) and proclaim: “I am not worried in the least. God will provide!”
But I didn’t. Not even close. I told Leah about the landlord’s call.
She said, “So?”
My wife obviously didn’t want to hear me complain.
Where else could I go? Discouragement was hitting me like a 20-ton logging truck. I retreated to my bedroom, shut the door, and poured my heart to the Lord in prayer.
I prayed, and prayed, but felt nothing. No outpouring of faith, peace and joy. Just the magnitude of our financial predicament.
With that burden, I went to bed. The next day, I had an art show at our community studio.
“Get your head in the game,” I told myself. I had to put on a smile and be presentable to the public.
As I dragged myself out of the car and into the art studio, still discouraged, I offered one more limp prayer to God.
“God, you’re a big God, so I’m going to pray a big prayer. I pray I would sell ‘Smoldering Wick” today at the show.”
Why not? Why not ask big when I felt as low as I could go? What did I have to lose?
“Smoldering Wick” was a 30 x 40 acrylic on canvas painting I had just finished in time for the show. I felt it was my best painting I had ever done, and I priced it accordingly. An illustration of Isaiah 42, it depicts a man going through a time of intense discouragement and despair. The idea for this painting developed in response to a soul-searching time of prayer and brokenness over my own sins.
“Smoldering Wick,” 30 x 40, acrylic on canvas, 2016, by Matt Philleo
I had been on my knees, with my Bible open, and I found this promise: “a bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.”
As I read these words, joy flooded my heart. My Bible literally became wet with tears. It confirmed to me again, I am saved not because of my own efforts, but because of the trustworthiness of God, revealed through His promises!
In the painting, the man’s servant encourages him in his time of need, while turning up the flame on His lamp. It symbolically portrays Jesus Christ, the suffering servant who identifies with our weaknesses and yet compassionately encourages us, promising to never snuff out our hope.
But at this moment, I didn’t feel hope. I literally felt like the man I had painted—discouraged and defeated.
Matt Philleo posing for “Smoldering Wick”
Not many attended our little art show. But toward the end of the day, a couple walked in. They seemed captivated by the painting and asked me about its meaning. I had already shared with several people that day and explained the symbolism to them just as I did to the others.
They looked at it for a while. Then one whispered to the other: “Where should we put it? Above the grand?”
“Maybe. Did you pay off the card?”
They discussed details like this for a while. I knew enough to keep my mouth shut.
“Do you take cards?” they asked.
“I do. I can scan it through my phone right here.”
“We’ll take it!”
Inside, I wanted to jump up and down like a little boy who was just told he would be going to Disneyland.
But instead, I held it together.
“That’s fantastic,” I said, shaking their hands as calmly as I could. “Congratulations! This is now your painting!”
After we took care of a few details and they left, I looked up and began to pray.
“Lord, what did you just do? Even though my faith was lagging, you still answered my prayer! Thank You, Lord! We have the rent money!”
You can be sure that when you step out in faith, your faith will be tested. And there is perhaps no other profession like the arts that stretches us in this way. But if you seek God, and remain true to the calling you were given, even in the tough times, God will provide for you!
Let me know what you thought of this story in the comments below. Have you ever had a time where your faith was tested? How did things turn out?
If you liked this post, please share it with your friends. Thanks and God bless you!—Matt
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